We all live with some form of addiction - even if we are unaware of it. Addiction to good deeds, to negative thoughts, to success, to admiration, to approval and then the more physical ones - to drugs, alcohol, sex and pain.....
In my life I have had the mis-fortune of being attracted to addicts...addicts of all sorts...
My obsession stemmed from my fascination with how self-obsessed addicts are - how totally consumed they are about themselves - their own needs, thoughts and feelings..and how everyone and everything around them is just a means to feeding that addiction.
Now as you know if you are addicted to marijuana then the analogy is an easy one...buy a joint, smoke a joint, talk shit and chill..sleep...sober, smoke a joint, eat, create a beat, feel good, feel down, smoke blah blah blah
But it is when you come across the less obvious addictions - like the ones who crave approval - addicted to validation - now thats tricky....or the one addicted to rejection..or wait for it..the one addicted to being ignored....my personal favourite.
As functional human beings - you may disagree with me saying people are not truly addicted to the latter..Yes people beneath the physical addictions is the real addiction. Addicted to self annihilation...addicted to self loathing.
So whats in the addiction that drives someone to lose their family, their jobs, their friends, their dignity and self-respect. Its all about stopping the thoughts - for some escaping from the painful guilt of what they are doing, whilst for others its about being numb.
It all boils down to a lack of SELF LOVE.
If we loved ourselves enough - if we were whole and took the time to look at what is under the addiction - we would find a gaping whole where LOVE should reside.
Easier said than done. I am testiment to that - but having tried to stop my addictions...I have submitted to them- accepted I have them - but also not acted on them anymore - because when you act on it - it begins the spiral into the darkness.
It saddens me to watch when the addictions win. When someone will hang themselves because they are addicted to being a victim or a failure. When another will neglect her kids because she loathes herself. When addiction to junk is so important that a man can live alone and die alone in a house broken with the weight of dysfunction.
I dont have the answers - just the observation that most people are addicts - just some are addicted to healthier options.
No comments:
Post a Comment