On Love, Facebook, sms, twitter, email

Expressions of love...before this time would be words or letters -delivered in hollywood-style productions like Gone with the Wind - or written in poems or letters sealed in wax... Time to savour and contemplate. Because once uttered or written the declaration was made and couldnt be taken back.
It seemed a more relevant and important process - a priority rather than an after thought.
It was simply to express Love. To show someone else a vulnerability that would lead to the greatest strength. It seemed a big step. To take the time to write a letter. To not smudge the ink, to seal it for the last time before the one you loved read it. Do not erase it or lose it or take it for granted.

What was life like before the cellphone, internet and email. How was love spoken about..face to face...to look into the eyes and connect with the soul.
Now we have the sms...the ability to say i luv u...and press send...to make an assumption that somehow - in a million miles away the person receiving it will feel the same.
To connect through an appliance no more useful than a potatoe peeler. To make declarations in code and icons - to build all your love and soul into a few digital words that may come back to you.
Once sent - it goes into a cyber space of temporarily existance - because what is sent on sms has a shelve life of 5 minutes.
I am a victim of sms love...wanting ..waiting for it...hoping it was felt with the pain and joy it was sent with...to not have one sent back..the rejection is like a knife wound. How hard is it to send a text?
Because love should be spoken face to face...so the wounds can be made right there...so the PRESENCE of the one you LOVE will be there to see and feel the LOVE.
To know all of the LOVE that is in you and not in a computer - or a page - or a phone screen. It is easy to throw that love around. It is easy to write a status where love is declared to all...but how is that love lived...On facebook, twitter or email....NO!! That love is lived in TIME spent together, in pain shared, in memories created, in light shown, in intimacy through touching, in life lived, in giving and receiving.
And yet I am an addict to these forms of communication...because it is easier to hide behind clever words on a screen rather than show my REALNESS...and be WHO I am because rejection can be misinterpreted on a screen. He didnt mean that - his busy - his tired - his at work - he doesnt like to text.....

Sit with the love, feel it and know it. Connect with it...and then look within - cos the one you really love cant receive it by facebook, sms, twitter or email....
because the one who needs to get it the most is YOU!!!

ADDICTION TO ADDICTS

We all live with some form of addiction - even if we are unaware of it. Addiction to good deeds, to negative thoughts, to success, to admiration, to approval and then the more physical ones - to drugs, alcohol, sex and pain.....
In my life I have had the mis-fortune of being attracted to addicts...addicts of all sorts...
My obsession stemmed from my fascination with how self-obsessed addicts are - how totally consumed they are about themselves - their own needs, thoughts and feelings..and how everyone and everything around them is just a means to feeding that addiction.
Now as you know if you are addicted to marijuana then the analogy is an easy one...buy a joint, smoke a joint, talk shit and chill..sleep...sober, smoke a joint, eat, create a beat, feel good, feel down, smoke blah blah blah

But it is when you come across the less obvious addictions - like the ones who crave approval - addicted to validation - now thats tricky....or the one addicted to rejection..or wait for it..the one addicted to being ignored....my personal favourite.

As functional human beings - you may disagree with me saying people are not truly addicted to the latter..Yes people beneath the physical addictions is the real addiction. Addicted to self annihilation...addicted to self loathing.

So whats in the addiction that drives someone to lose their family, their jobs, their friends, their dignity and self-respect. Its all about stopping the thoughts - for some escaping from the painful guilt of what they are doing, whilst for others its about being numb.
It all boils down to a lack of SELF LOVE.
If we loved ourselves enough - if we were whole and took the time to look at what is under the addiction - we would find a gaping whole where LOVE should reside.
Easier said than done. I am testiment to that - but having tried to stop my addictions...I have submitted to them- accepted I have them - but also not acted on them anymore - because when you act on it - it begins the spiral into the darkness.

It saddens me to watch when the addictions win. When someone will hang themselves because they are addicted to being a victim or a failure. When another will neglect her kids because she loathes herself. When addiction to junk is so important that a man can live alone and die alone in a house broken with the weight of dysfunction.

I dont have the answers - just the observation that most people are addicts - just some are addicted to healthier options.

In 2060

In 2060 I will be around 80 years old - that is if I am spared to live out my days until then. It is bazaar to think about that time or being that age. Because as the present dictates my life I cant look ahead and worry about it or even imagine it.
But the other day it struck me - that at that age I would have seen the invention of the mobile phone, HDV and flying to the moon for fun. How can technology possibly advance more than it has already. Will the Earth have enough resources to feed the human race that does not respect its nature? Or will we implode and have to buy air and water - like a wonderful soul sister wrote in her soon to be released movie - or will we have a new world. Where technology regresses and we go back to traditional forms of living - like growing our own produce and working within enclosed communities. Who knows.
What I do know is this - in life - regardless of how long I spend in this life there are a few fundamental truths for me. Whatever the date or time ...however old I get I hope to live these truths until the day I die.
1. Love is eternal - it transcends death and life - it is unconditional and created to heal all humankind, nature and animal kingdom - if practiced truthfully.
2. I cannot change or impact on others freewill. Not in the name of "helping" them or for love or because it is my mother, father, best friend. People have a choice how to live their lives - and they will choose it regardless of my interference.
3. How I present myself to the world -is how I am on the inside. This is called INTEGRITY.
4. Trust cannot be taken away if it is not given in the first place.
5. SELF LOVE is the basis for all LOVE. Without it - True love can never be experienced.
6. GOD/ALLAH/BUDDAH/UNIVERSE/SPIRIT is in my heart

So the idea of aging is there
Just like the idea of death
But it is only when it arrives
In the present
That it is there!!